Bandisnoot Adventurz
by MurderDeathDarkBandicoot72
Summary: Crash bash adventure.


Once upon a time there was a intellectually-challenged boy called Crash Bandicoot. He was on the way to see his butt buddy Coco Bandicoot, when he decided to take a short cut through Golden Girls woods.

It wasn't long before Crash got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, loli pillow, but loli pillow was nowhere to be found! Crash began to panic. He felt sure he had packed loli pillow. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a Perverted bandicoot dressed in a blue shorts disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Crash.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed bandicoot. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Crash reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from carrots, a house made from pizzas, a house made from chips and a house made from marshmallows.

Crash could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Crash looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Crash a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was loli pillow!

"loli pillow!" shouted Crash. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give loli pillow back!" cried Crash.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let loli pillow out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, three Perverted bandicoots rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Crash recognised the one in the blue shorts that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Bandicoot," said the witch.

"Good morning." The bandicoot noticed loli pillow. "Who is this?"

"That's loli pillow," explained the witch.

"Ooh! loli pillow would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the bandicoot.

The witch shook her head. "loli pillow is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Crash interrupted. "loli pillow lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Bandicoot ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Bandicoot looked at the house made from marshmallows and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from marshmallows if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next bandicoot. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have loli pillow."

Crash watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give loli pillow to Big Bandicoot. He didn't think loli pillow would like living with a Perverted bandicoot, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other two bandicoots watched while Big Bandicoot put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Bandicoot. "Just you watch!"

Big Bandicoot pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from pizzas. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Bandicoot started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of pizzas, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Bandicoot.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Bandicoot never finished eating the front door made from pizzas and loli pillow remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Bandicoot stepped up, and approached the house made from chips.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Bandicoot. "Just you watch!"

Average Bandicoot pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Bandicoot started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a bandicoot!" said Average Bandicoot.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Bandicoot, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the bandicoot away under his arm.

Average Bandicoot never finished eating the front door made from chips and loli pillow remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Bandicoot stepped up, and approached the house made from marshmallows.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Bandicoot. "Just you watch!"

Little Bandicoot pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from marshmallows. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Bandicoot started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating marshmallows for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Bandicoot into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Bandicoot. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Bandicoot was never seen again.

Little Bandicoot never finished eating the front door made from marshmallows and loli pillow remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep loli pillow."

"Not so fast," said Crash. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from carrots. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the bandicoots. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Crash.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted loli pillow back."

Crash ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from carrots and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Crash sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Crash. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Crash's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from carrots. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Crash was down to the final piece of the door made from carrots. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Crash had eaten the entire front door of the house made from carrots.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over loli pillow or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Crash hurried over and grabbed loli pillow, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, loli pillow was unharmed.

Crash thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Coco. It was starting to get dark.

When Crash got to Coco's house, his butt buddy threw her arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Coco. "You are very late."

As Crash described his day, he could tell that Coco didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Coco.

Crash unwrapped a doorknob made from pizzas. "Pudding!" he said.

Coco almost fell off her chair.

The End


End file.
